I was married once, for 21 years….. divorced now for several years.
When I was newly divorced, I decided to give myself the gift of a year…… time to let my life settle into this new phase, to let my sons settle into it without worrying their mother would take up with another man and they’d be left in the shadows. They were teenagers but they still needed their mother. They needed time to adjust to our new life situation, and time to adjust to life without their dad living under the same roof.
Sadly, Daddio did not keep his promises…… I’ll take you out for burgers every Wednesday, I’ll take you to breakfast on Sunday, you can come to my place and we’ll make popcorn and watch movies.
Daddio took one of them for burgers………once. No Sunday morning breakfasts, no popcorn and movies, no birthday cards, gifts or phone calls, no Christmas card, gift, or phone call. That was a hard year for them….. Five years later, it is still hard for the to understand how their dad has nothing to do with them.
I don’t understand it either. They are nice young men, smart, funny, kind…….really kind. (They got that from me, ahem.
So….. I waited the year to date.
I didn’t just wait, I read. I read book after book. Self-help books, spiritual books, divorce adjustment books, etc.
I journaled. I wanted to find what I needed in a partner. I wanted to do it right the next time. A year is a small price to pay if it sets you on the right path. It gave me a clear picture of what I need……what my heart desires and my soul needs.
And so, I was ready to date………or so I thought. It soon became evident that the world had changed a lot since I was last single….. and this time, the dating world involves many more men who have their own baggage, their own life experiences, children, extended family, etc.
I was not prepared for the years ahead….. my eyes were about to be opened.
And so, my friend Tim tells me…….. ” I know you’d like to find a great guy…….perhaps all this time before he appears in the universe’s way of saying it is not telling you, NO, you can’t have him……..it’s saying you haven’t found him because you need to wait longer……….wait for his life circumstances to shake out……..before he appears.”
Ahem.
Whatever. I am patiently waiting……..just as the universe requested, but growing more weary by the day.
